How to be kinder to yourself and feel better
posted 4th January 2025
Life can feel overwhelming sometimes, and let's be honest, we're often our own harshest critics. You might find yourself replaying mistakes in your head or doubting your abilities, I know I do. But what if you could stop that cycle and learn to treat yourself with kindness, how would that change your life? By using simple, practical strategies alongside a big dose of self-compassion, you can create a healthier relationship with yourself and start to learn to feel better overall.
Why Self-Compassion Matters
Think about how you would support a good friend who's feeling down. You'd probably offer words of encouragement and remind them they're doing their best. Self-compassion is about giving yourself that same level of kindness. It's not just about being nice to yourself; it's about recognising that you deserve the same compassion as you would give to someone else. We are all simply doing our best in any given moment.
When you approach your thoughts and feelings with compassion, it's easier to face challenges, manage stress, and even bounce back from setbacks. Plus, science backs it up; studies show that self-compassion helps reduce anxiety and depression while boosting resilience and overall happiness.
How to Recognise and Challenge Negative Thoughts
Your thoughts, feelings, and actions are deeply connected. Negative thoughts can spiral into negative emotions and actions, creating a cycle that's hard to break. Here's how you can start shifting that dynamic:
Step 1: Notice Negative Thoughts Without Judgment
The first step is awareness, start to pay attention to the thoughts that pop into your head, especially the ones that make you feel bad. Instead of beating yourself up for having these thoughts, just notice them. For example, if you think, "I'll never be good at this," remind yourself that it's just a thought, not a fact - your thoughts are not 'the truth'.
Step 2: Reframe Unhelpful Beliefs with Kindness
Once you've identified a negative thought, try to reframe it in a way that's more helpful and compassionate. If you're thinking, "I always mess up," you might reframe it as, 'everyone makes mistakes, and this is how I learn." Adding a note of self-compassion, like "I'm doing my best, and that's okay," can make a big difference.
Step 3: Face Emotions with Curiosity
Instead of avoiding tough feelings, approach them with curiosity. Ask yourself, "what am I feeling right now?" and "what do I need to support myself?" This gentle exploration will help you connect with your emotions simply by observing them, without letting them overwhelm you.
Tips to Build Self-Compassion
It's one thing to understand self-compassion, but how do you actually practice it. Here are some simple, effective ways to get started:
1. Notice the Good Things You've Done Each Day
At the end of each day, take a moment to reflect on what you've accomplished, no matter how small it might seem. Write down three positive things you've done, like finishing a task, being kind to someone, or simply getting through a challenging day. This practice helps shift your focus from what went wrong to what went right, reinforcing a more balanced and compassionate perspective.
Doing this before bed, can even help with sleep as this helps you and your mind to relax and feel more positive as opposed to, what a lot of people do and that's start to worry about what we haven't done or what can go wrong tomorrow.
2. Keep a Thought Journal
A thought journal is a great tool to track negative thoughts and rewrite them with kindness, for example, if you catch yourself thinking, "I'll never get this right," write it down, then respond like you would to a friend - "It's okay to make mistakes, I'm only human and this is how I learn".
3. Try Loving-Kindness Meditation
Spend a few minutes each day sending kind thoughts to yourself and others. Start by saying something like, "I am happy, I am healthy and I'm safe." Then extend those wishes to people you care about, and even to those you find challenging. This is a simple way to develop compassion for yourself and the world around you.
4. Create a Self-Compassion Toolkit
Think of a self-compassion toolkit as your go-to resource for tough times. Include comforting phrases like, "I'm human, and it's okay to feel this way," or 'all is well and how it should be in this moment'. You can also have some physical actions to hand like taking a few deep breaths or wrapping yourself in a cozy blanket.
Have a list of comforting things you like to do, for example; listen to a favourite tune, read a book, have a warm bath, make a hot drink or watch a favourite movie. Having these tools ready can make it easier to practice kindness when you need it most.
5. Take Small, Kind Actions Every Day
Self-compassion doesn't have to be a big, dramatic gesture. It can be as simple as taking a break when you're tired, saying no to something that feels overwhelming, or treating yourself to a small reward after a hard day. These little moments of care add up over time.
The Benefits of Being Kinder to Yourself
When you practice self-compassion regularly, you will start to notice some big changes in how you feel and respond to challenges. Here's what you can look forward to:
• Less Stress: Being kind to yourself can help you feel more relaxed and less overwhelmed.
• More Resilience: Self-compassion helps you bounce back from setbacks more quickly.
• Better Relationships: When you are kind to yourself, it's easier to be kind and patient with others.
• Improved Mental Health: Self-compassion has been linked to lower levels of anxiety and depression.
Final Thoughts: You Deserve Kindness
Life isn't always easy, but you don't have to face it with self-criticism. By practicing self-compassion and using these simple strategies, you can create a more supportive and caring relationship with yourself.
Take it one step at a time, and don't forget to celebrate your progress along the way. You deserve kindness—especially from yourself.
To find out more about how cognitive behavioural therapy can help you to understand and deal with worry, please contact Christina for an informal chat on 07398 453243 or email me at christina@cognitive-clarity.co.uk
