Do you ever feel like a fraud?
posted 3rd November 2024
Ever get that creeping feeling you're just faking it? Like any moment someone's going to tap you on the shoulder and say, "We figured you out. You don't actually belong here"?If so, you're experiencing what's known as imposter syndrome, and trust me.... you're far from alone. We all experience it, me included!
Imposter syndrome is more than just a self-doubt phase; it's that uncomfortable feeling that your successes aren't real, even when you've earned every one of them. So why does it happen? And, more importantly, what can you do about it? Let's look at what imposter syndrome really is, why it shows up, and how you can start to manage it for good.
What is Imposter Syndrome Really?
Imposter syndrome is a psychological pattern where people doubt their skills, talents, and accomplishments and live with a persistent fear of being exposed as a 'fraud'. Despite their successes, they feel their achievements are due to luck, timing, or just being in the right place at the right time and not a reflection of their actual abilities.
And here's the thing, it's incredibly common. Studies show that up to 70% of people have experienced imposter syndrome at some point, particularly high-achieving professionals and people who set high standards for themselves. So, if you're feeling like a fraud, you're actually in good company.
Why Does Imposter Syndrome Happen?
You might be wondering why, if you're competent and hardworking, you still feel like you're fooling everyone around you. The truth is that there are a few common reasons why imposter syndrome takes hold, such as:
- High Expectations and Upbringing
If you grew up hearing things like "You're so smart!" or "You're a natural leader," you may have internalized the need to keep up with those high expectations. It's easy to feel like you'll fall short if you're always trying to meet someone else's standard of "success."
- Perfectionism
Imposter syndrome and perfectionism go hand-in-hand. If you're a perfectionist, you likely feel you need to get everything exactly right, every time. So, when you make a mistake, you're more likely to question your abilities. Perfectionists are also more likely to downplay their achievements because they think they could have done better.
- Taking on New Challenges
Starting a new job, moving into a leadership role, or stepping into unfamiliar territory can often make you feel like an imposter. These transitions bring uncertainty, and that discomfort can feel like evidence that you're out of your depth. It may help you to know, or not.... that we live with uncertainty everyday, we have no control over anything..... expect of course, how we think and what we do, and this part is fantastic; its our superpower!
Recognising the Signs of Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome doesn't always hit you over the head; sometimes, it's subtle. Here are a few common signs to look for in yourself:
- Doubting Your Successes
Do you ever feel like your achievements don't really count because they came too easily or didn't take long enough? People with imposter syndrome tend to dismiss their accomplishments or attribute them to external factors like luck; and may say things like, I would have done even better if I'd had a good nights sleep, or I bet I couldn't get the same results again, it was a fluke.
- Fear of Being Found Out
This is the classic imposter syndrome feeling. You constantly worry that someone will realise you're not actually as competent as they thought, and that they will see you for what you really are, a fake, useless, not good enough, or whatever it is your say to yourself. This is a really normal when you have imposter syndrome.
- Downplaying Your Work
If someone compliments you on a job well done, do you immediately think, 'Well, anyone could have done that'? This kind of downplaying is another hallmark of imposter syndrome, it can be tough to recognise your own hard work and achievements.
- Overworking to Prove Yourself
People with imposter syndrome often feel like they need to work harder than everyone else to keep up appearances. This drive to overwork can easily lead to burnout and then this can feed into the feeling that you are not 'up to it', so it can become a vicious cycle.
How Imposter Syndrome Impacts Your Career
Imposter syndrome doesn't just live in your head; it has real impacts on your work life and overall well-being.
- It Can Hold You Back from Growth
When you're constantly questioning your abilities, you're less likely to take on new challenges or step out of your comfort zone. That hesitation can limit your opportunities for growth and prevent you from achieving your full potential.
- Increased Anxiety and Stress
The stress of feeling like a fraud can take a toll on your mental health, leading to anxiety and even burnout. Over time, this self-doubt can make it harder to enjoy your work, balance the demands of life outside of it and just generally enjoy life.
- Strain on Relationships
Imposter syndrome can also affect your interactions with colleagues. When you feel like you're not enough, you might struggle to collaborate openly, share ideas confidently, or even ask for help when you need it. This can lead onto relationship issues outside of work, because when you don't feel good about yourself, it affects your motivation to want to engage with people and life. It can put a strain on romanic partnerships, family relationships and friendships.
Common Myths About Imposter Syndrome
Let's clear up a few misconceptions about imposter syndrome.
- Myth #1: Only Inexperienced People Feel It
Think imposter syndrome is just for beginners? Think again. Many seasoned professionals, including executives and leaders, experience imposter syndrome. In fact, the more successful you become, the more likely it is that imposter syndrome will surface—higher stakes mean higher pressure.
- Myth #2: If You Feel Like a Fraud, It Must Be True
Our thoughts aren't always reliable indicators of reality, and just because you feel insecure doesn't mean it's justified. Feeling like an imposter is more about your mindset than your actual abilities.
- Myth #3: You Can Outgrow Imposter Syndrome
It would be nice to think you could one day wake up and have zero doubts, but the truth is, imposter syndrome often comes and goes. Rather than expecting it to disappear, the key is learning to manage it when it does show up.
How to Manage Imposter Syndrome
You can't always "cure" imposter syndrome, but you can learn strategies to keep it in check. Here's where to start:
1. Challenge Your Thoughts
Next time you catch yourself thinking, 'I'm not good enough', pause and ask yourself, 'What evidence do I have for this'? Often, you'll realise there's no real proof of your doubt. Try to identify a few times when you succeeded through your own abilities.
2. Celebrate Your Wins
Take time to acknowledge your accomplishments, big and small. Keep a list of positive feedback and wins, and refer back to it when self-doubt creeps in. Sometimes we're so focused on the next goal that we don't pause to appreciate how far we've come.
3. Reframe Your Focus: Growth Over Perfection
Shift your mindset from trying to be perfect to focusing on learning and growth. Mistakes aren't proof that you're a fraud; they're part of the process. Instead of thinking, 'I didn't do this perfectly', try reframing it as, 'what have I learned from this experience'?
4. Talk to a Mentor or Trusted Friend
If you're feeling like an imposter, reach out to someone you trust. A mentor, a colleague, or a friend can provide a reality check and remind you of your strengths and what you have achieved, they may also, naturally tell you what it is they like about you, which is always nice.
5. Practice Self-Compassion
Imposter syndrome thrives on harsh self-criticism. Practicing self-compassion means talking to yourself as you would a friend, offering understanding and kindness rather than judgment. When you feel like a fraud, remind yourself that it's okay to feel this way sometimes, as you're a human and that others experience this too.
Building Long-Term Resilience
Managing imposter syndrome isn't just about addressing it in the moment; it's about building habits that support long-term confidence and resilience. Things like, keeping a log of the good things that happen, things you have achieved, also keeping a gratitude diary can help keep you grounded and of course, help you feel grateful. Feeling grateful has a positive impact on us, it gets those feel good chemicals moving around the body.
- Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness practices, like meditation or simply taking a few deep breaths, can help you stay present and keep self-doubt from spiralling. Being aware of your thoughts without judgment helps you see them more objectively and in time you can learn to accept some of your thoughts and move on more easily.
- Set Realistic, Achievable Goals
Set goals that allow for growth and progress instead of aiming for 'perfect'. Realistic goals create space for both success and learning without putting unrealistic pressure on yourself. And remember to set goals around things that you enjoy and not just work, or self-improvement goals, like treating yourself to some time to sit in the coffee shop once every fortnight, or read a chapter of your book.
Embrace Discomfort as Growth
Feeling out of your depth doesn't mean you're failing; it means you're growing. Embrace that discomfort as a sign that you're challenging yourself. It's a normal, healthy part of professional and personal development. 'I am comfortable with discomfort' is a good mantra, and the more we feed our subconscious with the data that works for us, the more we live the life we want.
Final Thoughts: Embrace Your Successes
Imposter syndrome might feel like a burden, but it's also a sign that you're reaching beyond your comfort zone and growing. If you feel like a fraud, remind yourself that it's a reflection of your ambition and drive—not of your actual abilities.
Ultimately, imposter syndrome is just a mindset, and you have the power to reshape it. So, the next time that nagging voice says, "You are not good enough to do this," take a breath, challenge the thought, and remember: You are good enough, and you're fully capable of thriving in whatever you do.
To find out more about how cognitive behavioural therapy can help you to understand and deal with worry, please contact Christina for an informal chat on 07398 453243 or email me at christina@cognitive-clarity.co.uk*
Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash
